In Search of the past days-9

Rahul hesitantly walked towards Neha's room...as he stepped in he saw Neha sitting next to the window..with her eyes fixed outside....She was aware of Rahul's presence...but she did not show any reaction.For a while Rahul just kept looking at her...inside feeling guilty then softly he said.."Neha...."....Neha did not respond to her name either she was motion less...."mm...Hiee...."..he said....she still dint reply...after which he slowly walked towards her and went n sat right in front of her....Neha still dint look at him...

Rahul looked at her and said,"how are you doing?"...Neha started looking down wards....with this Rahul took her hand into his..which Neha tried to withdrew..but Rahul did not allow....then comforting her he said....."Neha...what is wrong with you?see what you have done to to yourself....my sunshine is becoming dull n I hate that!Listen I know I'm the one responsible for everything so I cant possibly question or complain but then why are you punishing yourself???...probably because you know this would hurt me more than anything...but please love...don't do this ..do whatever u want to do to me but don't be harsh on your self...I cant bear that...I'm sorry for being selfish...I'm sorry for taking you and your love for granted...I'm sorry for not being there for you...please give me another chance and I will change everything to the way you want...I love you ..I really do.....please come back to me...we will start everything a new...please come back!"

Hearing Rahul speak Neha became weak....her tear drops fell on the back of Rahul's hand...she quickly withdrew her hand...got up instantly and wiping her tears moved away....Rahul got up as well...n before he could say anything further Neha turned towards him and said"come back??????for what....?to make up endless calls that will never be received????to wait late at night at the dining table...and sleep there till you ring the door bell at 2:00 a:m..??to keep yearning for a compliment or a word of love from you or just to get noticed??to live with my pain alone????to be a guardian of your house?to accompany you for official dinners????tell me for what???????????
and if a sorry settles everything then fine ..even I'm sorry...you may leave now ...thanks for taking out your precious time to see me...but you don't need to bother in future...I'm fine and i shall manage"..saying this Neha took a step forward...Rahul held her hand and stopped her and said..."Neha...you are right...maybe you don't have a reason to trust me anymore...and probably there is nothing that I can say right now which would get u back into my life..but all I am asking from you is one last chance...if not as a husband...just as a friend...pleaseee....give me one last opportunity...don't take my life away from me...i really love you...."..as he said this tears flowed out of his eyes and seeing his moist eyes Neha broke down as well!


She started crying her heart out and surrendered herself in Rahul's arms..Rahul held her close to himself ..and both of them became oblivious of the situation and held each other tight as their pain flowed out of their eyes.
In a while...when Neha got stable stable...she instantly moved away from Rahul in an uneasy manner...and sat down on the couch....Rahul went down on his knees before her looked into her eyes and said.."Neha i understand what you are going through...I understand your pain.,your fears,your insecurity...I understand everything...I really do...and trust me I am not here to force anything on you...you don't want to come back with me right now...its okie....but please allow me to see you regularly for a while....lets meet...like we used to meet earlier...along with that lets also seek some medical help as your health is deteriorating day by day...and i can't see that....lets start everything all over again....just give it one last try for my sake...for the sake of our love....if within these few days also you feel that all my promises are fake....then you may take your decision and I promise to accept it without bothering you anymore....I will take you home the day you will ask me to...when you happily and willingly want to come back....till then it will be nothing more than an apartment where I will live in the isolation, and will bear that pain of loneliness that I made you go through even in my presence....pleaseee....believe me one last time...I wont disappoint you and you wont regret this ..I promise...pleasee..."saying this Rahul bowed his head before her....
Neha got up and moved ahead....and then said.."its late Rahul I think you should leave..."....her words pierced through Rahul's heart..He got up in despair ..with his head down as he took the first step forward...Neha said"I will see you tomorrow morning at 11...."Rahul was overjoyed to hear Neha's words...he literally jumped....saying"yes!!thank God!!thank you so much Neha...thanks a lot.....I really....I mean thank you....I cant begin to tell you how....thanks a lot love..."...he kissed her hand in excitement....and then realising that this is not the right time for any further reactions....he quickly settled himself....thanked Neha once again...and wishing her good night...left.....

Next morning the alarm clock rings at 8........

[to be continued..]

When Explain & Pain Go Hand In Hand!

Have you ever sat down before someone and gave endless explanations for a decision you made....or a step you took or for something that you have done...I guess we all have..We go on and on explaining our situation,our circumstances ,our reasons to somebody...and if you stop for a while and reflect who is that somebody...definitely has to be someone close to you...may be your partner,your best friend,your sibling,your family...someone whose judgement matters to you because we don't worry about what strangers and unimportant people say or think of us...our world is centered around our own people...whose judgements and opinions are a matter of our concern and to an extent it is right also.. we are all answerable to our people for whatever we do...so giving explanations shouldn't be a problem...but there are also times when in this process of clarifying things and making others understand...we end up being hurt and shattered....now when does that happen?????That happens when we don't get the support,understanding and confidence we are seeking from the other person...that is when sharing becomes a pain,when communication creates a gap,when a circumstance becomes an excuse and a reason becomes a fake justification..That's when we feel alone....we get frustrated...we come up with statements like"nobody understands us"...



We keep holding on to that and stay in misery...but why don't we give up...??why don't we understand that if after repeated efforts we cant get across to someone...or instead of understanding all we attract is fake sympathy...then why do we keep trying and expecting....?
why can't we accept the fact that not everybody thinks like us....?or why is it so important to convince others that we were right in our place..if we know we are right...if we can answer God...n face ourselves then why are we so entangled in making others believe in us....if they know us well...we don't need to tell them the when and why of everything..they are capable of reading our silence also and if they don't know us well....then we can just go on n on to no effect and end up feeling all the more alone!



I'm not saying that don't clarify....when its needed.. or don't communicate assuming that if others know you well...you don't need put your feelings into words....what i mean is....clarify to a person who is worthy of your explanations...who undersatnds...he/she might not identify with what you did...but at least will try to step into your shoes and view things from your angle...and most important give explanations up to a certain limit..beyond that...if u keep explaining or proving yourself...you are just inviting disappointment!


And last but not the least if u expect then learn to accept also...accept the fact that we are not all the same...we think differently...we respond differently...its easier to sympathise than to empathise ...that's why we often say that"only a person going through it...knows how it feels"...so then why jump to conclusions...why not listen...why not understand..why adopt short cuts and label people in a second...If we want that others understand us...feel our pain...then why not try to do that ourselves...and another very common belief that we all hold is that if someone is over explaining things...he/she must be wrong or guilty...why...cant we interpret his/her effort as a means to sort out things...but we generally don't do that ...we as humans are lazy...we use the lenses formed by others to view the world and sees everybody as the same...and never walk that extra mile to actually broaden our perspective...once we learn to do that...i guarantee there will be less sufferings and misunderstandings....n sharing will actually strengthen bonds...!think about it!

I'm B@ck!!

Hieee everyone...
how are you????

Well I am finally back...to eat your heads after a long examination break...yup...finally my exams are over!yeppieee....what a relief!
My exams were just fine...n now its holiday time...so you will have to bear me quite often now...n more than anything else i know i have been missing on to a lot here...so i will quickly update myself...with all the action that's been happening around....and before I forget I want to say a big "Thank You" for all your best wishes for my exams...i really needed them ...so thankss a ton!!


And another thing that I want to say is that i actually missed this place n all of you people like anything...and it feels great to be back...to read ...to write...to share...the feeling is amazing!

Thank you all...while you drop in comments do let me know whats happening at your end n how have you been...coz its been a long time since I have been out of touch....so please update me..!


Take care!

Keep writing!

God bless!