Wednesday, December 9, 2009

When Explain & Pain Go Hand In Hand!

Have you ever sat down before someone and gave endless explanations for a decision you made....or a step you took or for something that you have done...I guess we all have..We go on and on explaining our situation,our circumstances ,our reasons to somebody...and if you stop for a while and reflect who is that somebody...definitely has to be someone close to you...may be your partner,your best friend,your sibling,your family...someone whose judgement matters to you because we don't worry about what strangers and unimportant people say or think of us...our world is centered around our own people...whose judgements and opinions are a matter of our concern and to an extent it is right also.. we are all answerable to our people for whatever we do...so giving explanations shouldn't be a problem...but there are also times when in this process of clarifying things and making others understand...we end up being hurt and shattered....now when does that happen?????That happens when we don't get the support,understanding and confidence we are seeking from the other person...that is when sharing becomes a pain,when communication creates a gap,when a circumstance becomes an excuse and a reason becomes a fake justification..That's when we feel alone....we get frustrated...we come up with statements like"nobody understands us"...



We keep holding on to that and stay in misery...but why don't we give up...??why don't we understand that if after repeated efforts we cant get across to someone...or instead of understanding all we attract is fake sympathy...then why do we keep trying and expecting....?
why can't we accept the fact that not everybody thinks like us....?or why is it so important to convince others that we were right in our place..if we know we are right...if we can answer God...n face ourselves then why are we so entangled in making others believe in us....if they know us well...we don't need to tell them the when and why of everything..they are capable of reading our silence also and if they don't know us well....then we can just go on n on to no effect and end up feeling all the more alone!



I'm not saying that don't clarify....when its needed.. or don't communicate assuming that if others know you well...you don't need put your feelings into words....what i mean is....clarify to a person who is worthy of your explanations...who undersatnds...he/she might not identify with what you did...but at least will try to step into your shoes and view things from your angle...and most important give explanations up to a certain limit..beyond that...if u keep explaining or proving yourself...you are just inviting disappointment!


And last but not the least if u expect then learn to accept also...accept the fact that we are not all the same...we think differently...we respond differently...its easier to sympathise than to empathise ...that's why we often say that"only a person going through it...knows how it feels"...so then why jump to conclusions...why not listen...why not understand..why adopt short cuts and label people in a second...If we want that others understand us...feel our pain...then why not try to do that ourselves...and another very common belief that we all hold is that if someone is over explaining things...he/she must be wrong or guilty...why...cant we interpret his/her effort as a means to sort out things...but we generally don't do that ...we as humans are lazy...we use the lenses formed by others to view the world and sees everybody as the same...and never walk that extra mile to actually broaden our perspective...once we learn to do that...i guarantee there will be less sufferings and misunderstandings....n sharing will actually strengthen bonds...!think about it!

6 comments:

  1. yeah parzi, have done that. have sat n explained my reasons to those needing an explanation..they expect, but they dont accept though...

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  2. yeahh it happens quite often..the other day one of my frnds told me abt something and I ddn't have the same opinion and I added ... yeah peoples' opinions differ...
    and she was like why can't I agree it's just such a small thing..
    yeha its quite difficult at times to accept tat people have different opinions for me too it is sometimes
    we just have to think tat wat we think wud make others happy may not essentially do so...hmm

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  3. Its good that you actually came up with a post like this.I liked this post a lot. Agreeing to one's view is a different issue..I know this friend of mine with whom I share all my problems during my bad times..but not necessarily our thought process matches everytime.Its infact the sufferer who must be going through the pain and do you think shelling out your worries to someone in form of your sibling,parents,cousins or best friend would do good.Trust me it won't do good.If you feel so then I can assume that you think the other way round.When things go wrong its actually terrible.We strive to get a solution and we don't need anyones conclusion.If that was the case then it would be more worser..I completely agree with the first para of yours .May be we must be having important people with us who may serve as our support structure and who may be most important to us.But sometimes they fail to accept our views or may be they fail to give a better thing to us.That would obviously shatter and hurt us . no wonders.But thats not always the same.My first few lines and my recent points may be contradictory but can't help because thats what we call as life.Its our life and we are a better judge.This is what we could say in short and simple terms.
    Last para is what I loved the most.Its the circumstance which leads to such thing.Well the impact of the pain or hurt is only known to the sufferer .We bestfriend,sibling,or any family member serve as a mere observer.Its his/her physchological state which plays a spoilsport during those times.Its just that we don't accept the fact.But it sometimes comes out good when we think that we have some one to cheer and support us and to stand by our side during our bad times.That is life parzi dear.But once we learn things then I am quite sure life would be a bliss devoid of misunderstandings and sufferings.
    I am visiting this blog for the first time.Actually loved it and i am glad to follow your blog.Thanks a lot for writing.Will ask my friends to read this post of your.Once again a big thank you from my side :))

    ~ Rob Salis~

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  4. OMG Parzii... :) U have such a wise head on ur shoulder... :)

    SO very true Parul... I mean what else can I say.... I learnt... I hope I put them into practise..... I really don't know wat else to say.... U come up with very true facts and inspirational stuff... :)

    Sorry ya.. for being late.. :)

    Cheers..!!
    Arjun

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  5. @Leo
    hey leo thanks for being the first one again....;)
    u r absolutely right....expectations come easy but acceptance comes rarely...we all have to go through it.....painful but true...
    thank u soooooo much for reading.....
    take care!
    keep smiling!
    God bless!

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