In Search of the past days-8

As the two of them reached the Doctor's cabin...they saw Neha coming out..her face was pale with dark circles beneath her eyes..as she turned around she saw Ragini and Rahul standing there..for two minutes her eyes were fixed at Rahul,she so wanted to run into his arms but something inside was stopping her and when she knew that her tears could leave her eyes any moment she looked down...and walked past the two of them and rushed towards the parking area..



Rahul stood there still,he wanted to stop her,hug her,ask her how she is..but he couldn't do anything because his pain of seeing his love in pain had taken over him completely...and before Ragini could say anything..a nurse came and and informed them that they were called inside by the doctor..The two of them went inside and the doctor asked them to sit..and just then Ragini introduced Rahul as Neha's husband..The doctor did not give him a very pleasing look for obvious reasons,she turned to Ragini and started giving her instructions, while she was doing so the counsellor walked in and said,"Ragini you will have to bring Neha for regular therapy sessions,when I asked her to come she refused,she seems least convinced and is in no mood to vent out but if we dont comfort her and make her talk her pain will eat her away inside..I hope you are getting what I am saying..."..Ragini nodded and replied..,"I understand Doctor"..then pointing towards Rahul she said"by the way that's Neha's husband Rahul..I did tell you about him right..?"..."ohhh..."


To answer all the questions that were arising in the mind of the counsellor and the doctor and to ease Rahul a bit...Ragini cleared the air by saying"Before we carry on further I want to inform you that Rahul is with us in whatever we do,he wants his wife to recover soon and will do all it takes to get her back to normal and into his life."..To this the counsellor replied.."Sir this is a wise decision that you have made,I appreciate your concern and effort..no relationship is perfect..if there is love all we need to do is chuck the problem out of our life and not the person.Now with your support it is not going to be tough to get Neha out of depression and I assure you with a little effort everything will go fine very soon.."..

This was followed by a few formalities and certain instructions after which both Rahul and Ragini came out..."I think this is not the right time and place for you to meet her..i will take her home let her settle a bit and you can come over sometime in the evening to see her..." Ragini said to Rahul..."but...."...Ragini interrupted again.."Rahul try and understand you know her don't you..."Rahul agreed to what Ragini said and once she left with Neha he drove back home...

It was 3:00 p:m when after lunch both Neha and Ragini sat down together...Neha had not spoken a word since they had come back home..she finally broke her silence and asked Ragini.."why was he there...?why did you call him??...I don't want to bother him anymore..then why the hell did you do that?"...
Ragini said,"listen Neha i did not call him..he was the one who had come here to apologise and to take you back home..and when the maid informed him that we have gone to the hospital , he called me up to inquire and I had to tell him...he came there because he was worried about you...he came there to see you...he came there because he loves you and he cares.."....

"No!!"...that was Neha's blatant response to whatever Ragini said,"he does not....he never did...once he got me...everything else died out..its all over..."....putting her hand on Neha's shoulder Ragini said"that's not true Neha...I know what he did was wrong...he shouldn't have taken you for granted but your absence from his life has made him realise your worth in his life,he regrets what he did..he really does...I had a word with him in the hospital...I saw the pain and love in his eyes..he wants you back,to love you more than ever and to keep you happy...trust me "...hearing this Neha became weak again and started crying,with a heavy voice she said ,"He loves me,may be he needs me but he is not happy with me and guess it is all my fault...I was a good girl friend but not a good wife..I don't know how to give space...I don't understand...my emotional needs and expectations are high...I have become a burden and responsibility for everyone..."and with this she had an outburst...Ragini hugged her and calmed her down...and said"Neha what you are thinking is not true...no marriage is perfect...we all have our share of disappointments,disagreements,fights,issues but still if we stay together that is because our love is stronger than those tiffs and if Rahul is back to you within a week then its not because of a need but because he loves you more than anything in his life...you had promised him that you would give this relationship a second chance right??? so stick to your word...there is no hurry.. you take your time...he will be coming here in the evening talk to him..listen to what he has to say and then decide and please don't blame yourself for anything...you were not wrong had it been that ways Rahul would never come to take you back...believe me"...


Neha just listened to what Ragini said and did not react at all....inside she was waiting for him to come but at the same time her heart and mind were full of insecurities,fears,inhibitions and confusion.....



The clock struck 6:00..the door bell rang,Ragini opened the door..as Rahul stepped in Ragini said..." Rahul i was waiting for you only,I am going out for some work will be back by 10 p:m ,the maid isn't there either...so please make yourself comfortable and just say whatever you want to ...this is your time...I did give her a gist of everything but only you can make her understand ...so I leave it up to you...if you need me anytime give me a call and I will come.."..."Thank you so much Ragini..."..."Oh common please don't say that...anyways I will take your leave now...you can go inside...all the best...cya!"...
"yeah!!!bye!"...with this Ragini left and closing the door..Rahul went inside...



[to be continued...]

T@g Time!!!!

I am tagged for this one by someone who is very similar to me...a wonderful writer and a lovely friend....Thanks a lot for tagging me Rohini...and really sorry for the delay...finally I am here with the"about me"tag...has no rules to it...so I can just go on with whatever I have to say about myself:-

there I go-

1.Our identity begins with the name[...let me begin with this only..."I really don't like my name[i.e Parul]"...its weird..wish my parents had thought of something better...since they have given it to me with so much love i accept it...but not very happy about and not to forget to mention that the nicknames stemming out from it are worse!

2.I am a simple person and I adore simplicity...I hate shallow show off...by simple I don't mean dull but yes certainly not loud in any form.

3.I am a very talkative person...once i start off nobody can stop me...I have an opinion on everything which I agree is not nice always..but the clear hint is as far as I am talking I am fine ,when I am shut you can be sure something is wrong and that is the time I can remain silent for hours and not utter a word because I don't feel like!

4.It doesn't take much to keep me happy since small small things of life really excite me... anything from rains,to seeing old albums,reading old cards,a nice conversation with a friend,a pleasant walk,my favorite food ...etc..and you will find me smiling.

5.Sharing my inner most side with anybody is something that I just can't do...at times when I have to...are the ones when I truly experience hell...but yes I am very good at keeping secrets..no weak digestion there at all!

6.Not many people know this but yes I am a die hard romantic...I feel love is the most beautiful feeling in this world and it only holds true when it has the elements of trust and understanding!and feel that life is too short for love!

7.I am a complete family person..I love my people...I live for them...but yes I am exceptionally close to my Mom and Grandma!! Really fond of my elder brother..I look up to him! Papa n I share a different kind of bonding,where we disagree,have tiffs,we make each other laugh but understand each other well..he is a sweetheart! My friends hold a special place in my life...and my new blogging family is no exception to this one!

8.I think too much...petty things bother me..i become very sensitive at times and yes as I have repeatedly mentioned I lack emotional balance!

9.I am very fond of the colours pink and black...my wardrobe and room are full of these two colours.

10.I love shopping...I go out planning to buy something else but I come back buying things that are not even required!

11.Nobody knows that I can dance well, but I am very inhibited and shy to do so in front of anyone...credit goes to my lovely lack of confidence!But other wise I like drawing,reading,cooking and off course the latest discovered interest is blogging!


12.I am very confused most of the times..decision making doesn't come very easy to me!No stability at all!

13.I get easily attached to people and its terribly difficult to let go off any body...

14.I am a firm believer of the Almighty..and feel if we communicate with Him in the right way there is no better friend or confidante..

15.Three thumb rules I follow:-
*The best way to be happy is to make somebody smile!

*Treat people the way you want them to treat you!

*Never take the people who love you for granted!


Alright...i guess this much of torture is enough for today...this is like crossing all limits of self obsession..sooooooo sorrryyyyyyy for this endless bragging about myself..God!!!! for the first time I have used so many I's...it looks horrible ...right????sorry!! Hope I dint bore you much and also that your shoes are still on your feet and not in your hands...:P if so... time for me to run.......

okie wait how can I forget to tag you guys...so I tag...Leo,Arjun,PJ,Prams, The Soliatry Writer,Nuchu,Artz and Thoorika...
thanks a lot for reading!
God bless you all!

A very H@ppy Diw@li....

Hieeeee....this one is to wish all you wonderful people a very very very happy and prosperous Diwali..I know its celebration time and everyone is busy in greeting people,sharing sweets,decorating the house..that's the aura of this grand Indian festival..I came here so that I can not just wish you guys but also thank you for your illuminating presence in my life..because whenever I see you people here my eyes light up with joy and an automatic smile comes on my face...so thanks a ton for brightening up my life and on this auspicious occasion I sincerely hope and pray that may this Diwali bring you loads of happiness,prosperity,good health,love,peace and cheer...and may your life brighten up day after day,year after year!

Have a great time!enjoy yourself!
have a safe Diwali! take care!
God bless you all!

"DOORMAT" and "PUNCH BAG"

[if you are expecting something sensible from this write -up then honestly i should inform you before hand it is not one bit sensible..if at all you read , be prepared for nonsense]



I know the title is absurd...and you must be wondering what has this got to do with a post anyway..well..what sounds like names of random objects do not mean so when they are told to me..because they are aptly used to describe "me"...by people who know me very closely..they call me a "door-mat"coz they feel people come,hurt me,say what they want to and go and the best part is since forgiving comes easy to me the same people come again and repeat the same mistakes because I supposedly move around with a label of"welcome"...
As for the "punch bag" status...that I have earned..coz people love to vent out their frustration,tensions and anger on me..and then sweetly say"sorry"....


These two adjectives have been used frequently for me in the past years but since the last year i guess I have improved...that's what I feel..I guess I have become strong but what i still haven't learnt is how to remain emotionally balanced..my sense of guilt is irritating,two emotional words and I am gone,forgiving comes easy to me not that I forget the pain but i can never get even with people nor can I draw lines and there have been times when I really had to but i do it at the front...inside I face hell,my anger shoots up in seconds and comes down even faster..in short I am one complex freak!


Everyday I get lectures on how to judge people,my best friend says that I need to learn to be selfish,she says others lead my life...etc.etc....Why i wrote this here today...is that i was out a while ago when I met an old friend..with whom I have not been in touch since a few months...she is my school friend...we don't meet often..but stay in touch through the phone that too not very regularly..she was with a friend..I met her in a book store where in 2 minutes flat she gave me a bash for not staying in touch..I told her i left texts and messages...but she was least convinced..it was not a chit-chat but bitter allegations in front of her friends..I explained but no use...anyways after a while i just calmed her down and she left...
I went ahead to meet my friend..but by that time I was really upset...I wasn't liking the entire experience..was thinking to myself that how could she go on and on..without even listening and that too so rudely...when i met my best friend I told her about what happened...she told me.."you know you are right so don't worry"...while talking to her I realized that my friend who was raising questions for me not calling did not call up once herself..even if I believe that she did not get any of my messages then she could have cared to initiate..but she dint...then what on earth gives her the right to expect that from me and create such a fuss over it...
as always late realization....for which my best friend says..."you said you are improving and this is how you are doing it...if you can take a stand for others what makes it so difficult when it comes to yourself..why did you listen to her when you knew you were right..high time now change...and all you need to do is do what you do for others ,for your self.."....



I came home thinking what I should have done..i agree its a very petty issue but was not very pleasing..I know I ignore things concerning me but when the same thing happens to others I don't like it ...and the other reason is also that when i create unnecessary fuss about things that can be tolerated I don't like it either..my best friend often gets annoyed at this thought and says that I have different rules for others and myself..so what is it"being a door mat..."...or having "double standards"..i don't know...i am too confused...




[this is the first time I am writing a personal experience here directly...its absolutely senseless...but since its playing on my mind...ever since I have come back I just wrote it down...sorry for dragging on such a trivial issue...and thanks a ton for reading and bearing...you know what the best part is after writing it down I kind of feel lighter...i doesn't seem to matter anymore..I am finding it stupid now...:P]

In Search of the past days-7

"Listen Rahul calm down...she is fine now.."...Ragini replied.."I want to see her,right now..where is she???".."Rahul right now she is with the doctor,you can meet her in a while..right now i need to talk to you...come with me..".."Ragini i need to see her right away...I cant wait..we'll talk later.."..."please Rahul what i need to tell you is very important...try and understand..."..though he least wanted to still he went down to the hospital cafeteria with Ragini..where ordering two cups of coffee both of them sat across the table!

Taking a sip of coffee Ragini said,"Rahul..why are you letting all of this happen..?you love Neha don't you??then why all of this...??I have lost my sister she is not the joyful and vibrant Neha I have known all these years..she has become this loner ..with no spark to live..."..Rahul interrupted in between "Ragini I know what you mean,but that's exactly what I am here for..I had gone to your place to get Neha back..I love her and I can't live without her...I know I have made mistakes but I will rectify everything...trust me..everything is going to be fine.."... Rahul's words definitely brought some peace to Ragini..but her face still exhibited tension and worry.."Thank God at least you realised that you guys are incomplete without each other and I'm really glad that you want to take her back in your life...but...." "But what??"...Rahul's anxiety levels rose even more..."but what Ragini...????"...Ragini softened her tone a little and said.."Rahul...this is not all that easy..because it is just not a matter of an apology anymore or settlement..but a lot more..."..."stop confusing me ya..get down to the point straight...what do you mean..."... "Fine then...listen..."Ragini began again..."I got Neha here today because she was complaining of migraine for the past 2-3 days...today morning her condition worsened so i had to drag her to the hospital... the doctors here tell me that Neha is suffering from severe depression...not only that for the past few months she has been using sedatives to induce sleep as she complains of regular insomnia..she has also been seeking counselling and the counsellor reports that she has lost confidence in herself and her marriage..she feels neglected..and considers her life a waste..there is just no urge to live..she is only surviving ..."as Ragini said all of this her voice became heavy..tears flowed out of her eyes..and Rahul on the other hand was stunned,his eyes were moist as well..he could not lift his eyes to look at Ragini...he was overpowered by emotions of regret,pain, guilt.. He banged his fist on the table"damn it ..its all my fault..I am the reason of her pain and suffering...how could I...?how could I?"...with this he broke down...Ragini kept her hand on his shoulder but there was nothing that she could possibly say at the time...she tried but words failed her..in a while he rose his head up,spread his hands over his eyes took a sip of coffee and said..

"Ragini...I know what I have to do..I am the reason behind Neha's condition and today I promise you I will bring my life back to life...I will return to you your sister who was a chirpy soul always...she will bounce back ..once again she will be confident,once again she will giggle ,the only thing that will change is my love because I will love her more than ever and that too forever..." A smile appeared on Ragini's face...."Rahul now I am sure we can get Neha back..thank you so much..I don't think i need to say it but still...just remember you have my support in whatever you do.." "Thanks Ragini..I will be needing a lot of it...anyways now can we please go see her...i cant wait...rest we will see later"..."yes but....i don't know how she will react seeing you here"Ragini replied in worry.. "don't worry...lets go".. [to be continued]